Go on

by Spoon Jackson

I cannot go on like this
But I will go on –
on and on, even when
on is off.

Something is stirring
in my soul, wanting
to burst out like
a hot spring in the desert

Wanting to come out
and I don’t know
what it is – in the moment
I hope it’s a poem
I hope it’s a song.

Something vast like Euripides
Something wise and funny
like Aristophanes
Something deep like Langston Hughes
So deep in the seas
where no light goes.

I know what it is
I want to create my way
off this lockdown
and write my way
out of prison

They allowed redemption
once,
but now only condemnation.

I cannot go on
but I will go on –
on and on even when
on becomes off.

Melancholic and sad
They are letting some
lifers go home
some I have known for a lifetime

 

Yet there is no end in sight for me
and I don’t know
anymore where to go
to get strength to go on.

I don’t know where
to go to leave
this sadness and pain
and make my heart sing again
and make my spirit soar again

Everywhere I look
there is a big sign
that says no –
No forgiveness, no love,
no hope, no second chance,
no dreams and no romance.

I cannot go on
but I will go on –
and on and on even when
on becomes off.

But I have nowhere
to go
Nowhere that says
yes.

Yes, it’s okay to dream
for some come true
Yes, it’s okay to hope
for freedom is free

Yes, it’s okay to love
for love can be true.

I sit here in the moment
In melancholic limbo
Why keep dipping into
An empty well

I cannot go on
I will go on –
even when on
becomes off and
I have nowhere to go.

Spoon Jackson, who is serving a life without parole sentence in California, is a poet, writer and actor. He teaches art, loves nature, has published two books and has been featured in film, plays, articles, books and music suites. Send our brother some love and light: Spoon Jackson, B-92377, C3-119, CSP-SAC, P.O. Box 290066, Represa, CA 95671-0066.