Paradise’s Theory of Relativity (to End Racism)

by Paradise Free Jahlove

I hope you will find Paradise’s Theory of Relativity

a little more user friendly than Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.

The formula for Einstein’s Theory of Relativity is E = MC2.

The formula for Paradise’s Theory of Relativity is P = MC10.

An Emcee is like a modern day Shaman. The ancient Shamans

were Medicine Men who would go into a trance and

have visions that the whole tribe would see or be healed by.

Likewise an MC must: Move the Crowd!

So this poem is for everybody on planet earth, even though I start it out by saying:

When I was younger … I used to wonder … why my elders would be talking holes in my clothes about Blackness? I just thought it was to make me feel better about my situation: being a Black man in America.

Paradise – Photo: Malaika H Kambon
Paradise – Photo: Malaika H Kambon

But a funny thing happened to me while I was searching for my blackness: I found God! I discovered that the universe is composed of four cornerstone elements, hydrogen, oxygen, helium and carbon. Black! I discovered that the universe is permeated by a mysterious “dark matter.” I discovered that the most powerful forces known to man in outer space are called “black holes.” I discovered that scientist say: We (humans) are all basically carbon units. And anthropologists agree that Africa gave birth to humanity!

So, what, do you think that just because you moved up out of Africa to a different neighborhood, and your features and complexion changed, that you are no longer Black!?! Up until as recently as the late ‘70s it used to be quite common in the Chicano community for folks to greet each other by saying, “Que pasa, Negro?” “What’s happening, Black?” Back then it was still an honor in some places to be called “Black”!

But something happened … Some say it began when the Greeks created their eurocentric version of African Mythology. Others say the year was 1674 (“The Invention of the White Race,” Theodore Allen) when a group of pale Africans decided they couldn’t be as colorful as their darker brothers, so they created the mythology of white people, separate from and superior to all others! They created a RACE! A white race!

Before then, we were all one Black Human Family of many tribes, shades, colors, hues, languages and ethnicities. Sometimes the truth is best hidden right in our faces! They created a “race,” an us against them mentality that still exists today, seemingly for no greater purpose than to give us the privilege of watching the Jerry Springer Show … at gun point!

However, as we discover every day, this plague of racism is no joke! It’s more than just an attitude; it’s a business, a religion, a political campaign, a lifestyle, a sport, a cult! For some racism is an obsession, a way of life, their idea of culture! Sad, but true. So their poets started to chime in and say things like, “She had golden hair and fair skin as white as snow!”

Fair skin? Is it possible to have ethical skin? And if light skin is fair, what is dark skin, unfair? Eventually this racism was sublimated into the language – blacklist, blackball, blackmail, black sheep of the family, black cats are bad luck – it was institutionalized and signs were posted on buildings that said, “For Whites Only, No Dogs or Coloreds Allowed!”

This plague of racism is no joke! It’s more than just an attitude; it’s a business, a religion, a political campaign, a lifestyle, a sport, a cult!

And I can’t believe it, but I come to this planet and find out that the whole world has fallen for this Big Lie, because everywhere you go on planet earth dark skinned people are more likely to be struggling and oppressed!

So today everybody wants to be anything but Black! “I’m yellow boned.” No, you’re Black! “I’m red boned.” No, you’re Black! “I’m creole.” Yeah, but you’re still Black! “I’m West Indian.” No, you’re Black! “I’m East Indian.” Yeah, but look, your skin is darker than mine – cuz you’re Black!

And Krishna was Black too! Krishna was not blue! As a matter of fact, the word Krishna is a Sanskrit word which means “Black”! “I’m confused; I’m a mulatto Eskimo, and I don’t know whether I’m asian, caucasian or indian!?!” Don’t worry about it, homey – you’re Black! “I’m jewish.” But that kinky hair of yours tells me that you’re Blackish! Tiger Woods, “I’m Cablinasian!” No Tiger, you’re Blackaneses!!! Accept who you are, and your mojo will come back and you’ll start winning again!

Now I know what some of you out there are thinking, “But I’m much more than a color!!” And you’re right, Black! Black is much more than a color! Stevie Wonder can see that! Black is also essence! Black is soul! Black is rhythm! And everybody has a little bit of rhythm more or less!

When you see that little baby trying to take its first few steps, what it’s doing is trying to develop its rhythm! Because it requires rhythm to walk! It requires rhythm to talk! It requires rhythm to think coherent thoughts! It requires rhythm to be human! And it requires a little more rhythm to be divine! That’s why some people have such a hard time being human!

But you never hear of any dancers being serial killers! Do you? If you can dance you don’t want to kill nobody! You just want to dance! If you’ve got rhythm in your feet, if you’ve got rhythm in your fingers, if you’ve got rhythm in your voice, if you’ve got rhythm in your paint brush, you just want to share your talent and beauty and art!!!

Adolph Hitler was mad at the world because he couldn’t dance! So he wanted to kill all the dancers! He wanted everybody to march, because he couldn’t swing! He wanted everybody to do the heil Hitler, because he couldn’t do the funky chicken, the lindy hop, the running man or the cabbage patch! Hey, all you Adolph Hitlers out there: Stop killing people because you can’t dance! Eventually, through the process of osmosis and evolution … you too will be able to dance! But you have to be patient!

This is what slavery and capitalism is about: You don’t enslave those who are beneath you. You don’t enslave neanderthals or baboons. Baboons may be stronger than humans, but they’re not very smart, they’re stinky and they poop all over the place.

But if you have an obsession for the Beautiful Ones, and you can’t get them to hang out with you voluntarily, you try to enslave them.

Because Black is much more than the absence of light. Black is the condensation of light. Like a black cloud full of thunder and lightning! Like a piece of black coal; when you set it on fire and release its sunbeams, it may burn so brightly that you can no longer tell that its origin is black! Like the sun, but if you stand in the sun long enough, it will paint you black, like those diamonds in the sky called stars! The key word in star is “tar”!

Black Diamonds are the most precious and priceless on earth! And they are found almost exclusively in the Congo! In the heart of Afrika! Scientist believe that they originated from outer space some 3.8 billion years ago! Or, as a poet might say: A Black Diamond God took a chunk out of himself and hurled it across eons of space – at the precise velocity, at the precise trajectory, until it hit right smack dab in the middle of the continent that would become known as Afreeka and give birth to the Black Diamond People who would give birth to humanity!

Black is much more than the absence of light. Black is the condensation of light. Like a black cloud full of thunder and lightning! Like a piece of black coal; when you set it on fire and release its sunbeams, it may burn so brightly that you can no longer tell that its origin is black!

So you see, Black history is not only world history; Black history is universal! And every time you look up into the night sky, you are seeing a starry eyed reflection of your self! Why, you can’t even sleep and dream or meditate without having to close your eyes and fade back to Black!

So I’m not mad at that sister who got busted for pretending to be Black. My Black Heavenly Father and I welcome everybody to come back to Black; even ye so called Black people living incognegro (ashamed of your African identity). And all ye Prodigal Sons and Daughters who have squandered your wealth in that ghastly, ghostly, bland, bleached, pretentious desert of whiteness are welcome to come back home to the richness of Black!

Big Mama’s ample Black bosom awaits the whole human family tribe! Come back to Africa, mon! Come back to Jamaica, mon! Come back to your roots! For more important than how much melanin you have on your behind, is how much melanin you have in your heart and soul and mind!

At least that beautiful sister came back voluntarily. The truth about global warming is that the solar seasons are changing, and planet earth is about to become a tropical island again, and there will be no place to hide from the Sun, whose radiant truth will bring us all unmistakably back to black.

We will all be brought back to The One(ness), and the great test and illusion of Otherness will be over! Hopefully men will be able to solve this great riddle before then. But until then, even if you’re not an Original Black or a Krystal Black, never be ashamed of being a pale African!

We are all pale Africans in comparison to our relatives who are 40,000 shades blacker than midnight! But even they pale beside the Ultimate Being of Color and the Blackest Afrikan we call God! And some day, everybody on planet earth will say and say it loud, “I’m black and I’m proud!

Paradise is president of the International Black Writers & Artists Local 5 in Oakland and was honored by the City of Oakland with “Paradise Day,” on Oct. 6, 2007. Find him on Facebook at Paradise Freejah Lovesupreme.